Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Not what I expected.... but I'll take it!
Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster.
The day before that was also an emotional roller coaster.
For one reason and one reason alone. Ryan.
do you see a pattern here?
Anyways....
Wednesday night he called me about a Verizon bill.
Did we talk? No
Did we fight? Yes
Is that normal? For us yes, which is why we do not belong together.
During said fight, he let slip he had a new girlfriend.
My response: "Whoa, that was fast?"
His: "Yeah, it was fast."
Me: "So are you two in LOOOOVE?"
Him: "Yeah, we are"
Me: "That is disgusting."
Him: "whatever."
Me: "So did you EVER really love me at all? I mean how can you replace someone that fast?"
Him: He said something, but I don't remember what. And this is my story!
Me: "Wow, way to rebound, that is awesome."
Him: Insert more yelling, and bad words. Oh don't forget the name calling.
Me: Two can play at that game. insert more bad words, yelling and yes even name calling
Then he hung up.
1 minute later the phone rings.
Me: "WHAT?"
Him: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I don't want to fight, I don't care anymore. If you could please take care of the bill, I would appreciate it."
Me: "Why didn't you just ask like that in the first place. OK I will do what I can."
Him: "Thank you. This is why we aren't together. You pooped on me for 8 months, I couldn't take it anymore."
Me: "Really? No Really? I pooped on you? Well it goes both ways."
Him; "I'm not perfect."
Me: "Nope, no one is."
Me: "Are you happy? Really happy?"
Him: "Yeah I am."
Me: "Good. I want that for you. I really do. I also wish we could be civil and friendly."
Him: "I can never be your friend. Maybe in 10 years, but I just can't stand you."
Me: "Oh, that's too bad. Good luck with things."
Him: "yeah, have a nice life."
Needless to say I was 21 different shades of upset by this. And by upset I mean pissed.
He was supposed to make one call for me and he couldn't. But he could call me to yell? UM No that's not cool. Also it really bothered me that he could move on so quickly and be all "in loooove". It hasn't even been a month since things were finalized.
Finally I fell asleep, after I thought and thought and brooded and cried. I fell asleep.
Yesterday I was doing somewhat better.
That is until I found out whom this bright new girlfriend is....
I won't say names.
However this girl is a senior in high school.
Say it with me.... Ahhh WHAT??
yeah you heard me. A senior.
After I found this out I was seething. I was burning with anger.
He always told me I was so immature, not mature enough for kids, blah blah blah.
And he does this??
Well long story short....
I was mad, really really mad.
But the anger ran it's course. And I'm not mad anymore.
I really don't care anymore.
I can laugh about it now.
Later that night, I was told he called a mutual friend to tell them "She might call you and tell you I was mean to her, but I wasn't."
I laughed..... Really? And I'm too immature?
Right now at this moment I'm glad.
I'm glad it happened, and I'm glad I was told.
It gave me that extra push.
It forced me to get so mad and to let my anger run out.
It pushed me to let go.
Does this mean I'm immune to him? Probably not.
Will I have some lapses and maybe get sad.... sure that is normal.
Yesterday though I did something I haven't been able to do.
I deleted pictures, and text messages. I threw out some of his stuff I just couldn't before.
And I also joined face book. Before I didn't because I didn't want to "run into" him, but that thought doesn't really bother me.
He was a part of my past, and he always will be. He is no longer a part of my future.
I'm going to stop trying to walk forward while looking behind me. I'm looking forward from now on.
For once I feel at peace.
I must say it is an awesome feeling.
The day before that was also an emotional roller coaster.
For one reason and one reason alone. Ryan.
do you see a pattern here?
Anyways....
Wednesday night he called me about a Verizon bill.
Did we talk? No
Did we fight? Yes
Is that normal? For us yes, which is why we do not belong together.
During said fight, he let slip he had a new girlfriend.
My response: "Whoa, that was fast?"
His: "Yeah, it was fast."
Me: "So are you two in LOOOOVE?"
Him: "Yeah, we are"
Me: "That is disgusting."
Him: "whatever."
Me: "So did you EVER really love me at all? I mean how can you replace someone that fast?"
Him: He said something, but I don't remember what. And this is my story!
Me: "Wow, way to rebound, that is awesome."
Him: Insert more yelling, and bad words. Oh don't forget the name calling.
Me: Two can play at that game. insert more bad words, yelling and yes even name calling
Then he hung up.
1 minute later the phone rings.
Me: "WHAT?"
Him: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I don't want to fight, I don't care anymore. If you could please take care of the bill, I would appreciate it."
Me: "Why didn't you just ask like that in the first place. OK I will do what I can."
Him: "Thank you. This is why we aren't together. You pooped on me for 8 months, I couldn't take it anymore."
Me: "Really? No Really? I pooped on you? Well it goes both ways."
Him; "I'm not perfect."
Me: "Nope, no one is."
Me: "Are you happy? Really happy?"
Him: "Yeah I am."
Me: "Good. I want that for you. I really do. I also wish we could be civil and friendly."
Him: "I can never be your friend. Maybe in 10 years, but I just can't stand you."
Me: "Oh, that's too bad. Good luck with things."
Him: "yeah, have a nice life."
Needless to say I was 21 different shades of upset by this. And by upset I mean pissed.
He was supposed to make one call for me and he couldn't. But he could call me to yell? UM No that's not cool. Also it really bothered me that he could move on so quickly and be all "in loooove". It hasn't even been a month since things were finalized.
Finally I fell asleep, after I thought and thought and brooded and cried. I fell asleep.
Yesterday I was doing somewhat better.
That is until I found out whom this bright new girlfriend is....
I won't say names.
However this girl is a senior in high school.
Say it with me.... Ahhh WHAT??
yeah you heard me. A senior.
After I found this out I was seething. I was burning with anger.
He always told me I was so immature, not mature enough for kids, blah blah blah.
And he does this??
Well long story short....
I was mad, really really mad.
But the anger ran it's course. And I'm not mad anymore.
I really don't care anymore.
I can laugh about it now.
Later that night, I was told he called a mutual friend to tell them "She might call you and tell you I was mean to her, but I wasn't."
I laughed..... Really? And I'm too immature?
Right now at this moment I'm glad.
I'm glad it happened, and I'm glad I was told.
It gave me that extra push.
It forced me to get so mad and to let my anger run out.
It pushed me to let go.
Does this mean I'm immune to him? Probably not.
Will I have some lapses and maybe get sad.... sure that is normal.
Yesterday though I did something I haven't been able to do.
I deleted pictures, and text messages. I threw out some of his stuff I just couldn't before.
And I also joined face book. Before I didn't because I didn't want to "run into" him, but that thought doesn't really bother me.
He was a part of my past, and he always will be. He is no longer a part of my future.
I'm going to stop trying to walk forward while looking behind me. I'm looking forward from now on.
For once I feel at peace.
I must say it is an awesome feeling.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Last January
I made a list of things I wanted to purchase before the year was finished.
That time seems like it was really 5 years ago.
Anyways, I forgot to mention.
I bought one of the things on my list!
I love it!
I love it more then my favorite shoes, more then chocolate, more then men!
I want to marry it!
Did you guess yet?
No? Okay I'll just show you.
I got the Nikon SLR D3000
With it I got 2 new shinny lenses
Of course this means I will have more pictures to post.
Yay for new cameras!
Yay for checking something off my list!
ETA: This still counts if it was a Christmas present no? Well it's my blog and my party. I make the rules here!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Here is to 2009
Well I'm back home, I'm back to work.
Being home was good and I suppose bad in some ways.
The good part was I got the much needed break from here.
I love it here, but not necessarily my situation here.
The other good part was I got to see my family and friends.
The bad part was everything was consumed by wedding planning and wedding thoughts.
I did good, better then I thought I would to be honest.
After the rehearsal dinner I had had enough and went out. I got so drunk, and then so so sick.
Was it worth it? Yes, I needed some kind of a release.
The annoying part was then dealing with family and wedding when I was hung over.
Sorry but you don't understand some things, and I wanted an escape.
My escape just happened to be in liquid form. If you don't like it, I don't care.
The wedding was nice, it really was.
I am glad I was able to be a part of it.
I was even nice during my speech.
I kept it short, sweet and funny.
Don't ask me what was really said during the ceremony, I zoned out. I had to just let the words go in one ear and out the other. This method worked well for me.
I hope they make things work, and I hope they are happy.
Another realization I had while being home.... I don't want to live there. Ever again.
Its nice to visit, but I prefer a much different crowd these days.
When I go to the bar, I want to hear good music. Not all hip hop.
I want to be able to dance, really dance. Not drunken rubbing on random people.
When I look at guys I want them to be rough, rugged and preferably a cowboy. Not this pretty pretty dude with clean hands, nicer clothes then me and a fake tan.
I can only handle that dumb crap for a certain amount of time.
My new years resolution is a couple things.
And these things are all for me.
1. To workout again... consistently. I want to feel good about myself again.
2. To be nice again, this one I'm afraid will take me a while, if I ever can be nice again.
3. To really and honestly let go. I've been holding on to him for way too long, and it's time to move on.
4. For now I want to spend the year single. I was never really alone, and I need to take the time to be okay with myself and to really work through all my feelings and let go.
I think this will help me move on.
5. The last and I think most important is to make MYSELF happy again.
So lets raise our glass to 2009. It's been a long, hard year and I'm so glad it's over.
Here is to a new start, a new life and a new beginning.
May our glasses and our hearts always be full.
Here is to the New Year.
Being home was good and I suppose bad in some ways.
The good part was I got the much needed break from here.
I love it here, but not necessarily my situation here.
The other good part was I got to see my family and friends.
The bad part was everything was consumed by wedding planning and wedding thoughts.
I did good, better then I thought I would to be honest.
After the rehearsal dinner I had had enough and went out. I got so drunk, and then so so sick.
Was it worth it? Yes, I needed some kind of a release.
The annoying part was then dealing with family and wedding when I was hung over.
Sorry but you don't understand some things, and I wanted an escape.
My escape just happened to be in liquid form. If you don't like it, I don't care.
The wedding was nice, it really was.
I am glad I was able to be a part of it.
I was even nice during my speech.
I kept it short, sweet and funny.
Don't ask me what was really said during the ceremony, I zoned out. I had to just let the words go in one ear and out the other. This method worked well for me.
I hope they make things work, and I hope they are happy.
Another realization I had while being home.... I don't want to live there. Ever again.
Its nice to visit, but I prefer a much different crowd these days.
When I go to the bar, I want to hear good music. Not all hip hop.
I want to be able to dance, really dance. Not drunken rubbing on random people.
When I look at guys I want them to be rough, rugged and preferably a cowboy. Not this pretty pretty dude with clean hands, nicer clothes then me and a fake tan.
I can only handle that dumb crap for a certain amount of time.
My new years resolution is a couple things.
And these things are all for me.
1. To workout again... consistently. I want to feel good about myself again.
2. To be nice again, this one I'm afraid will take me a while, if I ever can be nice again.
3. To really and honestly let go. I've been holding on to him for way too long, and it's time to move on.
4. For now I want to spend the year single. I was never really alone, and I need to take the time to be okay with myself and to really work through all my feelings and let go.
I think this will help me move on.
5. The last and I think most important is to make MYSELF happy again.
So lets raise our glass to 2009. It's been a long, hard year and I'm so glad it's over.
Here is to a new start, a new life and a new beginning.
May our glasses and our hearts always be full.
Here is to the New Year.
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