Saturday night musings

I miss my Husband.
Everyday more then the last.

If I could have but one wish, I would wish for my Husband back.
I miss that Man I Married, the one who looked at me with stars in his eyes.
The one that looked and was happy in every picture.

I will always miss my Husband.
The Man that left was no longer this person.
I have to live among all the reminders, all the memories and it makes my heart want that person back even more.

Some one told me they wished they had the answers. They didn't want to see me so sad that I looked sick everyday.
They told me one day it might get easier.
Maybe that Man I married was my soul mate, and maybe he just changed.
If that is the case, does that mean I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone.
Spend the rest of my life with a heart that hurts and aches for him to come back?

If that is the case, I'm not up to the challenge.
I would cut off my arm just to have him back even if just for a day.

Tomorrow will mark the start of hunting season.
The first hunting season without him.
The first hunting season alone.
I love hunting, but I loved it because of him.

The hard thing for me is to find myself and find the distinction from what used to be us, me and him to just me.