Whoa.

What a weekend.
Oh, is it possible to have a crush on the tire shop? They gave me a great deal, and allowed me to trade my old tires for credit towards my new ones.

I had fun seeing everyone, and just hanging out. I didn't have to do anything if I didn't want to. It was so nice.
I didn't want to leave, for several reasons. The main one being, I had to leave my dog. I'm not going to elaborate on that, but I do plan on bringing him back next time I'm home.

Anyways, I went shopping with my Mom and two older sisters. It was fun, I spent money and that was fun too. I hadn't been shopping in a long long time. And grocery shopping doesn't count.

While I was gone, we got snow, lots of snow. Okay not tons, but 6 to 8 inches. It's supposed to get really cold this week, back down to single digits, and I was just getting used to the nice weather. I even washed my truck. You should see it, it's so pretty and clean and sparkle-y.
Sparkle-y? well it is my blog.

Other then that, not too much is new in my life or at home. Back to the same ol same ol.
My Laundry heap actually looked happy to see me come home.
Tonight however, I'm going to watch my new movie. I got it for Christmas from my parents.
It's Sex and the City the Movie.
I know I'm way late seeing it, but I live in the country on gnarly dirt roads. So I have a totally reasonable excuse. Right?

What is that saying?

If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all....
Or something along those lines.
I now truly believe in that saying.
And I realize, I'm kind of a "Debbie Downer"

Why? Well Ask me about my flat tire. Again!

Yep I had one, yesterday. And no, it wasn't the same tire.

This second flat tire has also brought to my attention that I can no longer "get by" with the tires I have. Why? For several reasons.
1. I live in the country
2. I live on gnarly dirt roads. They are so gnarly they make weak tires cry
3. They have been peed on one to many times. Yes I said peed.
4. 10 ply ride smoother. (Okay so that is a MAJOR lie)


OH, wait. I have a thought right now. You know the breast cancer awareness, everything pink. What if they made a pink tire, and like all the money, or a good chunk of it went to the breast cancer fund?? I would totally by them. (I don't know where these thoughts come from, but sometimes I amaze even myself!) (Don't worry I know you are all laughing at me, or hiding your face in shame, either or I'm okay with it)

Remember when I said I wanted to save my money and by some big things this year?
Well I have now updated that list. And not in a good way.

The new list includes:
New Tires (Why is used rubber so expensive?)
Grill Guard ( for SOB Deer)

All the other things I hopefully wanted have fallen and disappeared.
It's so sad.

On another note. I'm back in the valley for a visit or two.
I'll be sure to report my happenings and of course any other flats I may acquire.

On another note x 2 there were another set of twins born last night in the cow barn.
I wasn't there, but I'm confident that Ryan can handle it with out me. (well for at least a while)

nothing but a dream

I'm here at work, confirming my thoughts from yesterday.
My days off of work are nothing but whimsical dreams. Totally sucks.

Last night while helping Ryan night calve, there were twins born.
They were so cute and little, so very little. There was a red one and a black one.
Ryan had to put them in the sled to get them to the barn.
The sled is a little device we put baby calves in so they don't have to walk, and it's open so the Mama cows can smell and follow their baby. Hypothetically speaking that is.

The cows for some reason are scared of the sled. It's so funny. When you drive by in the 4 wheeler, they are used to it, no big deal. But when the sled is attached to the 4 wheeler, the cows fall over they are trying to run away so fast. It's really funny and very cheap humor.
You'd laugh too if you ever saw it.

This just in.... my trusty space heater at work just bit the dust. I repeat the heat has left the building. Great, now what will I do. Is it possible to sue a work place for getting frost bite feet? I bet J.G. Wentworth would take that on. (I hate those commercials.)

Have you ever gone back and read some of your older posts?
Yeah I did that once and it made me feel like an idiot. Some of the things I say and type....oy.

Happy Thursday. If Thursday's are the kind of thing that you know... make you happy.

Only Wednesday

It feels like it should be Thursday.
I hate when your inner day clock get all off wack.
Makes the weeks drag on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and... oh you get it.


I'm hoping to take the rest of the week off, but if you know my taking off work track record, you'll know this could just be a whimsical dream.

Well here is to another Wednesday for the books that took forever to get here.

Holy Crap, we need help.

Have you ever looked at your surroundings and decided right then and there....
"I need Help!"

Yeah, I'm there. I'm there everywhere.
Work. Home. Cow Doctor. "Help, Heeelllp"

Work.
I'm drowning in a sea of paperwork and mess. Being this unorganized is hard on a person.
I've tried, I seriously genuinely tried to get things in order and organized, but the mess sucks you in. Sucks you in and sucks you dry of your organizing attempts.

Home.
I think I need a maid, or wait. Wait. What if I taught my cats how to use the people potty. Like on that movie "Meet the Parents". It could be done right?
Now only if I could teach my dog to unload the dish washer and vacuum, I'd be all good.

Cow Doctor.
Oy. They suck the sleep right out of your life. Cows have personality, and no two cow's personalities are the same. You have the nice sweet cows, then you have the mean, "I want to eat your face off" cows. I don't like those ones.

On another note:
Outside is wonderful, the sun is shinning and it gives me hope. Hope that one day, I will dig myself out of my sea of paperwork and find the time to unload that darn dish washer.
There is also hope that I will finish painting that dang wall, good lord it will get done.

I wish I had time for fun things, for I would go on vacation and sip cocktails all day by the pool.
Ahh, yes that is what I'm meant to do in life. That is my true purpose, I just know it.
How in the world I ended up here among, paperwork, unloading the dishes, vacuuming, laundry, painting, Cow hoo haw's I'll never know.
Oh well, guess when life throws you lemon's you make lemon sorbet.... right? RIGHT???

So.... who won?

Superbowl Sunday.
Did you watch the game?
I caught part of it, then I passed out from chocolate overload.

I missed out, who won?

Oh the food was wonderful.
I made those brownies with cookie dough in them. (recipe to follow later)
Home made Pico de Gallo
Fresh Guacamole (YUM)
Jalapeno' Poppers (double YUM)

You outta see my kitchen, it's a disaster area. I'll get to it tonight.... maybe.

Oy. This is a long one.

There comes a time in every respective ranch wife's life when you realize some things.
Your season's change and you no longer refer to them as the normal spring, summer, fall, winter.

The season's now fall into different categories.
Gathering Season
Branding Season
Haying Season
Calving Season

The biggest project/ season in my life is Calving season. It's taking over our lives.
Ryan totally understandable, it's his job. He gets paid for it.
Me... not so much. I'm free labor or slavery however you see it.
I'm obligated by marriage to help with all these seasons.
Don't get me wrong, there are the good points. I get to spend time with Ryan and I get to be outside. I like being hands on with things and I don't mind getting down and dirty on the ranch.

What sucks, is the hours you put in. Some people don't really understand what goes into a Ranch to keep it running smoothly.
During Calving season, there is always someone keeping watch over the bovine creatures. Ryan this year is the "Night Calver" meaning he stays up all night with the cows and helps when needed.
This year, much like last year, I'm the "Night Calver Assistant" or as I refer to myself as the "Cow Doctor" There is only one difference, this year I have a job. I don't really get much sleep, but hey how needs it? I mean come on, sleep is for the birds.

All the missed sleep is worth it however, when you see a cute little baby calf. If you haven't ever seen one, you are missing out. They are so soft, and for the most part very gentle and nice to be around. I like to bottle feed the little love muffins.

However, there is a darker side to calving. This dark part for me happens in the heifer barn. (Heifers are first time calvers)
I'm a pretty educated girl when it comes to reproduction. I haven't done it myself yet, but I know what goes down. That being said, those poor poor heifers and I'm not sure I want to reproduce and go through labor.

This weekend, Ryan and I had to pull two calves. (The cowboy has to decide if the cow needs help getting the baby out. They usually give the heifers a couple hours to calve by themselves, but after that for the cow and calf's sake, they need us to help)
The ingredients to pull a calf:
J Lube
The Glove
The Chains
The Hooks
The Jack (oh lord.)

Back Information you need to know:
First, you have to move the heifer to the "Mothering pen" with the head catch. (So the cow can't run away from you.)
First, Put on that glove, you'll need it. It could get messy.
Then "Lube" if needed, to well make things easier.
Then you determine the position of the calf. Get things arranged in there and pull out the legs (hopefully the front legs) and put the chains on both legs.

If you can't hold on to the chains you need to use the hooks to help pull the baby down out of the birthing slew.
Then enter the Jack. (I just got goosebumps)
The jack is designed to keep the calve coming out instead of out, then in, out, then in.

IMPORTANT:
With Heifers and all cows, you want to be as easy and stress free as possible. Wait for a contraction and pull with the cow. This will keep the cow and calf more calm and reduce tearing (more goosebumps) You also have to be careful of when the cow will go down (there is a lot happening and they are tired and in pain, of course they will lay down) But in going down, if the calf is partly out, it could have it's back broken, or other injuries. So you have to be ready for everything.

Okay, now down to the story:

Heifer Helen
Ryan decided this heifer wasn't able to have her calf by herself. The reason was, the calf was just too big and she needed help. So off we go to get her and ourselves prepared.
Heifer in the mothering pen and head catch. Check
Gloves, Chains in place. Check
Enter the Jack and position it into place. Check.
Heifer Helen, begins to contract. Check
Gently begin to help her with the jack during each contraction. Check
Enter in Me. Cow Doctor. Check.
Then I'm given a job, an important horrible job cause well I could feel everything. I seriously thought about sending Heifer Helen flowers with a card saying get well soon.

Ryan said I need to insert my hands in heifer Helen's birthing slew and try to stretch it to accommodate the Goliath calf. So I did it. Please take note, my stomach lurched and turned with every contraction, my heart ached and my girl parts ran away from home and retired in Mexico. I do not, want to go through that.
But oh my lord. With each contraction, you can feel the stretching, the tearing, the bones and joints in the heifer and calf popping. Let me tell you, this calf was HUGE.
But my job was very helpful. I was gently mind you, stretching her so Goliath could enter the world. She had some stretching and very minimal tearing, and she never went down which is very good. That heifer Helen was tough, tougher then me for sure. Plus the calf was okay. All ended well, or so we thought.

Heifer Ursula
Ryan again decided this gal needed some help, for the reason of Goliath Jr. wanted to visit the world.
We are all ready, every precaution is taken.
Everything is in place and ready to begin pulling.
We wait for a contraction to hit and then it all starts.
Again my job, birthing slew stretcher.
The head comes out and I'm saying Hail Mary's for Ursula's birthing slew. This baby is big.
I'm feeling every thing, again with the stomach pains, the lurching, the aching heart and by now my girly parts have died. (the memorial service will be next week)
Ursula goes down, and the calves head is halfway out.
Ryan takes action, continuing to help Ursula birth her giant with each contraction.
I'm talking her through it, like she can understand me. (And still stretching manually)
The calve is now out to his hips, and gets stuck.
Ryan drops the jack, and bear hugs the calf.
He then turns it, so he can get it out.
Goliath Jr. is out. Ursula is relieved, and I want to puke. Poor Ursula is well, her birthing center needs some rehabilitation. If I were here, I'd go on vacation for a year. Heifer Ursula is thankfully okay and her giant calf is too.
The story ends well, but my girly parts will never ever be the same again.

Disclaimer: This is a true story. There were no animals harmed in the making of this story only my girly parts I'm afraid they will never be the same. The birthing nightmare will plague me forever.