Round and Round we go.

Last night he deleted his text messages.
When I asked he said they weren't important anymore.
I don't care, it just disgusts me that he is still lying about many things.

If it was just a friendship then why send pictures of your dog? Why would they care?
Why do I have to pound and pound at you for small details, why hide things?
Why tell them you made it back home?
Why keep talking to them and tell them about work?
Why in the world would you say you are going to give them space?
Why would you reiterate over and over how much fun you had?
This whole thing makes me feel sad and disgusted.
It doesn't make sense and sadly it never will.

Last night I said goodbye.
This is going to be hard, but I can't do it anymore.

I wish he would stop trying to be nice, stop telling me "I will miss you"
Stop telling me "I don't want a divorce"
He is the one from the beginning, 6 months ago that told me "I'm done, you need to figure out what you are going to do because I am done. I want you out."
He is the one that took off his wedding ring 10 months ago.

Irregardless of what I feel, what I don't feel, what I feel is not being said I'm going through with this. I just don't want to settle anymore. I have plans, big plans and goals. Most of all I want to be happy and I want to have a family. I will not give that up anymore.


Last night was the final goodbye.


This weekend I'm heading home to visit. My sister is graduating.
This weekend I'm also picking up divorce papers. Monday we will sit down together and sign everything and get the papers filed.
All that will be left is a scheduled hearing.... then it's over. Over before we really even had a chance to begin.

Lord please help me stay strong.