Weekend Recap

This weekend was crazy for several different reasons.

Graduation
Helping with Parties
Giving Graduates Gifts
Looking for a place to call My own
Realizing it's over
Taking down wedding pictures
Saying out loud to other people the words

The most important part, the biggest part, the craziest part to this whole weekend was I did it alone. But I did it.
Saturday was hard very very hard, I couldn't sleep. I cried. Our decision actually hit home it hurt and I cried some more. I sat outside for a while just breathing, it was about 6:30 in the morning I happened to take the most amazing picture. That picture gave me strength, I will post it tomorrow.
Sunday was hard, we tried to talk and ended up fighting. He left, I stayed and cried. I dried my tears took a shower got dressed and felt better. I went to Graduation alone. I told someone for the first time we weren't together anymore. I didn't cry, I felt better, some of the pressure and ache eased.
I went to Graduation Parties alone, I talked I mingled I even smiled. Sunday ended pretty good.

Monday was good. I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Monday night we sat down and started going through all the things we would like personally, we made a list. All in all I think it went well. However I'm not going to be too nice, I've done that for too long.
At one point he began to cry, to be sad. This hurt me more then anything, this was the Ryan that I knew a wonderful glimmer of the person that I love so deeply.
I wanted to hug him, to wipe his tears and kiss his cheeks. I didn't. I told him he would be okay. I told him he would find someone else and be happy, that we both will.
I told him he needed to take care of himself, that people cared about him.
I hate seeing him upset. I don't want that for either one of us anymore. I hated not being able to just hug him.
He said he felt like I was already over him.
I told him I wasn't that I have my good days and my bad days.
I told him I will always care about him and love him. I will always want good things for him.


Today I hope he is having a better day.
Today my day is pretty good.

Today I realized I want the TV.