Weekend Recap: 3 B's

My weekend consisted of the 3 B's.

1. Branding
2. Balls
3. Butts


Of course there is a story with each "B" are you interested?
Well either way I'm gonna write about it, because really it changed how I looked at the world.

1. Branding:
Saturday and Sunday both were dedicated to Branding.
Saturday we branded for the Ranch that we live on. It was fun, low key, and we got to eat really good food afterwards. All in all, it was a good day.
(Oh and after we went to town and Ryan demonstrated the impulsive humanly trait of burning money like it's going out of style. He bought a saddle. My only question "Can I get one two then?"
He said no.... and I threw a tantrum, in the middle of the store. Okay not really but you can imagine if I did. Saddle: Good buy, good price, good sale, it'll get lots of good use. Over all, good purchase.)
Sunday's Branding: We helped a friend of ours brand, and well it was fun and educational and very interesting. (and kinda cold too and really muddy. I was a mess, I looked homeless when we were finished.)

2. Balls:
Sunday's Branding brought on a whole new meaning to me. I've been to many brandings before, but this one is burned in my memory for life. Like forever man.
During Branding, the bull calves usually have to be cut (or castrated to be technically correct). There are many different ways, banding, cutting, sterilizing, etc.
I was introduced to a new way consisting of using the human mouth.
Yeah you read that right, "The Human Mouth"
Squeamish people, please stop here, because I'm going to explain in detail now. You've been warned!

The designated testicle remover was given a small knife and a bucket.
When this person (Phil) was called over by yelling "Bull Calf"
Phil would grab his bucket and small knife.
Kneeling by the stretched out calf, Phil would cut the ball sack, and expose the testicles. (that's normal, seen this a hundred times.)
Phil would then lean over and place testicle # 1 in his mouth. (Yeah MOUTH) And proceed to pull out testicle # 1 and spit it in the bucket.
Phil would then repeat this procedure to testicle # 2
Phil's reasoning was it's cleaner then using your hands.....
Please, please be dirty, it's okay I won't tell. I WON'T TELL.

When I witnessed this the first time, there were no words, no thoughts. Just dry heaving.
Then I thought, Did Phil really just do that? Oh my god, it that sanitary? That poor calf, has been castrated with a human mouth.... oh lord. Then the dry heaving would start all over again.

I've also learned to appreciate my tooth brush and the fact that my husband was just as creeped out as I was. (Thank you Lord, for he will not try this method himself!)
Are you sick yet? I still have 1 more B left.... Hello? HELLO?? Anyone there? Buller?

3. Butts:
At the branding on Sunday, there were many helpers including myself labeled as "wrestlers"
Our job is to hold the calf down while they receive their shots, the brand, and the testicle removing procedure.
Some of the other wrestlers were rather large. Large meaning really tall and "big boned"?
You get the idea no?

Well every time these larger boys bent over to grab a calf, the world and all the bovine creatures saw their butts. (enter more dry heaving. sorry but they were big and hairy and very scary)
Let me just say for Christmas, I considered showering them with anonymous gifts of longer jeans and shirts!

When we got home and I showered and tried to drink away the memories, I looked at Ryan and felt new appreciation. His mouth is testicle free and his butt is covered. Thank you lord. Thank you.